Marry-go-round!

The topic of marriage is something which is today scarcely discussed. Marriage, its importance and related issues today get very small space and time for discussion. We do not find much literature or material on this topic. Why? Well, I really don’t know! But, the effect of absence of that in ‘theory’ is surely being seen in ‘practice’.

Among the many Sunnahs being neglected in our times, one is marrying early. Like many other things, Muslims today seem to give other things priority over marriage. Parents want their sons to study, study more and study some more and then earn, earn more and earn some more, before even thinking of looking for a girl for him. This unIslamic mentality has now, unfortunately, crept among the Muslims, who want the boy to be well-educated, with a ‘Dr.’ or ‘Er.’ infront of his name, a house of his own, may be even own a car and some other luxuries; in other words he should ‘stand on his own feet’ so that he can take the responsibility of his family – wife and children. On the other hand, the parents of girls are also not to be left behind. They too demand a ‘well-qualified’, handsome and rich (well, handsomely rich) guy, with a house of his own where their daughter would not have any ‘problem’ whatsoever!

Before, I write any further let me make it clear that Islam is not against studying, getting educated or being well-qualified. Islam is not against earning high and owning a good house. What Islam is against is giving these things priority over other important and recommended things.

The Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) ordered young people who are able to marry to get married. Indeed marriage prevents both, the individual and the society from many evils. Marrying early in Islam, does not mean marrying small kids. When someone reaches the age of puberty, he or she is eligible for getting married and this noble act should not be delayed unnecessarily. Marriage is a society-builder and prevents shameful acts.

In a Hadith recorded in the two Sahihs – Bukhari and Muslim, narrated by Abu Huraira (رضي الله عنه), the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said: “A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her (family) status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a loser.” SubhanAllaah! Now look at the practice of (most) Muslims around us. The Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) ordered to give priority to the piousness of the lady, but Muslims today hardly care about it. We have cooked up our own definitions of ‘piety’ like offering regular Salaah (as and when time permits) and fasting Ramadan and reciting Qur’an (with or without understanding) and so on, thats it! Many are more concerned if she can cook well, they would care for ‘pie and tea’ rather than ‘piety’. Today, young men look for ‘Barbies’, not for ‘Hijabies’. Her beauty, wealth and status are given more consideration rather then her Aqeedah, her knowledge of Islam, her religiousness. And it is a vicious circle, a merry-go-round; because the groom-to-be and his parents themselves lack knowledge or else they would not have chosen to be ‘loosers’ as the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said in the above mentioned Hadith.

The girls on the other hand await for a dark, tall, handsome, rich, well-built young man, who would come, may be riding a white horse, and take them into the world of fantasies! Wake up! There is no such thing in real life. Rather, the girls should also give piety the first priority when looking to get married. Unfortunately, these days, they too demand a well-qualified man who earns some serious money. Some girls would want to make a career for themselves, while others have other demands like living alone and not with the groom’s family etc.

Most of the times it is the culture which influence people. Muslims are now a part of this delayed-marriage culture, which is being propagated via media, films, televisions etc. People are made to feel ‘no money – no honey’! People are taught that they cannot take the responsibility of married life without having degrees, good job and money; that marrying early may hamper their career; that young people are irresponsible/careless or young age is the age of having fun and not the age to "bear the burden" of a married life.

Wealth, looks, accommodation etc. do matter, but not as much as having a righteous partner. Of what use would be all these, if you do not have the joy and happiness as married couple? Should young boys and girls not search for a to-be-spouse who is firm on Tawheed, has correct Aqeedah, a righteous and pious partner? So that the two can live in serenity here and hope to be together in Jannah in lofty mansions and much much more than what they can get here…

Summary:

• Marriage and related issues should be discussed more often in the best possible ways. Khateebs, lecturers, writers should take up the job as nicely as possible.
• The importance of marriage and dangers of running away from it should be well explained and understood.
• Parents should see to it that they do not delay their children’s marriage unnecessarily.
• Young people should see to it that they themselves do not delay their marriages in view of studying or earning enough or careers or other such things.
• When seeking a spouse, piety should be at the top of the chart, while not neglecting other important things altogether.
• Unusual and irrelevant demands should not be made.
• Now send me $100 for this article.. lol.. kidding! Just make Duas for me..!

May Allaah (subhanahu wa taa’la) help us understand the importance and reward of marrying as and when prescribed in Islam and to understand the dangers of unnecessary delay and may Allaah soon Grant righteous spouses to those who are seeking to get married and may Allaah Bestow love, joy, mercy and comfort among those who are already married.. aameen!